I am Scared.............

I scare myself almost every day of life.

The way I am, it is so hard for me to adjust within the surrounding I was born in.

Maybe the age is getting the best of me, but that is no reason to shove it off. I have every reason to fight it and yet I fall.

I have to face me every day and that makes me weaker. I don’t have the strength to put up with me anymore. The longer I am determined to give it a go, the harder the thud comes with which I land on the ground.

I fluster most of the times because of the state I am now mostly comfortable in. It seems like I get agitation and chaos are a part of me. It scares me to fit the eyes of those who see me well, I am not well enough, I am not enough at all.

My essence scares me, my ambitions too. I am scared to come out of the past, they might all see me and then abuse me, the cloak is warm and cozy, makes me sneeze sometimes but I live.

There is always a scared thought that I might fail myself. I might not be able to look good in my own eyes. It is a disease, I feel sometimes. A disease to please.

But this disease I have to work a cure for myself. I know every phobia has an end, and I am willing to work on it. But I am too scared to change, even for the better. I was better once and that didn’t go well for me.

I wish I could just help myself beat me to it. The competition scares me. The waking up and sleeping again scares me.

The days when my reflection in the mirror does not look the way I for real want it to, my own day is defeated.

My life sucks out of me when I know I will not be able to accomplish something, I am being looked to for accomplishment.

I am scared that one day I WILL DIE, just TRYING TO MAKE ME HAPPY!

I MAY NOT ACHIEVE IT and hence JUST HAVE A USELESS DEATH